Personal issues

MPHMPH Member Posts: 756
in General Frontier Discussion
Ok CPW. Some know my issues, I've been open and honest to some in the game. I haven't been open and honest to you all. Some here like me, some here don't . I understand that. I'm sure I'm not the only one, and I hope others can see this and feel better.

For 9 years I've suffered from depression. Anxiety and stress. Some may laugh now and think that it's not really an issue. Yesterday I thought a bought suicide. Yes me, the leader of a top posse. A forum contributor . But yes something happened yesterday for me to actually think about it. After 9 years of never once thinking it was that bad. Now I think it is. I won't, so don't start worrying. But it has made me think. It's made me sorry. I may not like people and I may not ever get on with them but I am sorry for my behaviour on CPW. I've used the forum to escape from my reality and take it out on others. For which I am truly sorry.

Depression is real . I have it. Do you know that the next person you chat too on CPW has it. No you don't. Why because they haven't told you. Why because they will be laughed at.

Laugh all you want, fight on here, but I am done with it now. I hope you all will be too. My life has now allowed me one thing. And that is to see that this game is not worth it. The friends I have found here will help me but the enemies. I'm now forgetting . The friends I will use to help me continue in CPW. Do the best I can for the pirates. Hi rest assured I will never say another word against anyone on CPW.

Chester Bennington committed suicide due to depression . He had a famous band and money. But it still wasn't enough. Think about all the players on CPW, think about what they go through everyday...............

Then think about what you say to them .

Again I am sorry for everything I've said bad to anyone on CPW .

Love each other
Slick

Comments

  • MPHMPH Member Posts: 756
    I hope my post has made you think. ...... Think hard. Take it in......... Then get back to the fun of CPW and posse banter , but just be nice .
  • MPHMPH Member Posts: 756
    This is not something to ignore because you are unsure or feel awkward. Say what you want . Or just get back to normal . Either way just be CPW just be nice
  • SkodancySkodancy Member Posts: 190
    edited July 2017
    I am a fan of honesty, MPH. Your talking about what goes on with you, is brave and takes courage. I often wondered, "why is MPH so short with me?" Now you have a lot to say....and I like it.

    True, it is a game. Most play games to be entertained only. So they avoid topics like this.

    But I say.....we sometimes fight, in order to find ourselves, and through fighting we often find more of a harmonious balance in life.

    I first fell in love with this game, because I believed the developers had this intention. Now I'm not so sure about that, but it was fun to imagine of such.

    For me....there are people I have fought with both in game, and on FB or forums. It has helped me to grow, and I respect them all now, much more than before. Nice transitions of understanding have occurred in most cases.
    manhatten
  • GudGud Member Posts: 174
    edited July 2017
    I was prescripted morphine after an atv accident some years ago.
    All the broken bones and surgery was nothing, compared to the side effects of long term use of morphine.
    It fcks your mind up, BIG TIME!!

    I didn't cared about anything!
    I almost crashed my relationship, I told everyone to fck of, both friends and family.
    Best way to describe it, it was like a black hole!
    I did get help to try solve it, and it worked.

    That's why I wrote as I did in Punk chat.

    Take care MPH!
    Skodancymanhatten
  • manhattenmanhatten Member Posts: 210
    Much respect for You MPH, we had our differences in the past But we both played in pirates and it was fun. You are an example for others who have same issues. Wish You all the best!!
  • MPHMPH Member Posts: 756
    Cheers everyone
    Gud
  • Woody1970Woody1970 Member Posts: 18
    Hello MPH, sorry to hear your in not in a good place at the moment and I hope things will improve. I've only ever made one post before and we both know how that went, time to let it go I reckon. Water under the bridge. It's good that you've been so honest, takes something to admit that you been struggling with life. I hope you have also shared how you are feeling with people close to you that care for your wellbeing. What I would like to advise (12 years in mental health nursing for what is worth) is that you go and see your GP and possible get some support if you haven't already. If you have and are already in contact with mental health service I recommend touching base with them asap. I'll send you my email address if you ever need to talk to someone or get dark thoughts. In the meantime, if CPW is a negative environment I suggest taking a break for a bit and try to do things that will help your mental health. I've always advocated the basics, good sleep, healthy food, exercise and a bit of fun). Take care and be safe.
    Skodancymanhatten
  • texfromsaigontexfromsaigon Member Posts: 198
    Hey MPH, wish you nothing but the best!
  • banzbanz Member Posts: 15
    MPH, respect the honesty. Transparency can explain to some of us what we may see in a different light. My anger issues have caused plenty of strife and almost total self-destruction. I am lucky to be alive. Now for my moment of transparency. My addiction is that I am underneath it all, a Jesus Freak. Not church, not religion. I do not have all the answers. But my honest response to you, seek Him. And like Gump says, that's all...
  • MPHMPH Member Posts: 756
    Banz. Thank you for your message. I hope you are ok and able to deal with things in your life. You resonate with me as I too am not a religious man and do not go to church , however I know God and I know one day I will be ok. But for now I fight on and kill my demons
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