things that come out wrong

Pig · February 2018

My wife pointed out to me the other day that when I'm paying at the shops and say, "Thanks a lot!", I say it too quickly and it sounds like, "Thanks, slut!"

I once saw a preacher trying to narrate a biblical story that included the phrase "pitched his tents." Unfortunately, the young preacher said "pinched his tits."

I've seen multiple videos of weddings where the officiator wishes the couple "Great sex" when he meant to say "Great success."

Any others?

Mystique · February 2018

I once tried to type “gimme a sec” and it autocorrected to “gimme sex” in my guild chat!

Pig · February 2018

I can offer both at the same time.

TJS · February 2018

I was in guild chat and ment to write,
"....I'll kick myself if...."

Instead I wrote,
"....I'll lick myself if...."

It didn't go unnoticed to say the least.

MadPuppy · February 2018

I was visiting an American family when they were making pancakes. I was on vacation and am not a native English speaker.

He was flipping the pancakes in the air and catching them with the pan.

It took me while to figure out why he looked at me funny when I said he was throwing up pancakes.

DLich · February 2018

Also sometimes it changes "does" to "dies"

I'll be having some type of conversation with my wife via text and I'll write something along the lines of "I hope that Dylan (my son) does." and it'll change it to "I hope that Dylan dies.

It's very frustrating. Auto correct is the devil!!

Jenng · February 2018

That’s weird........ I don’t have anything to contribute

( ssshhh @Mystique )

TJS · February 2018

I can't LOL that one @DLich

(Like instead)

Mabiki · February 2018

A friend who sings in a metal band was improvising some lyrics. The words were from the perspective of the singer yelling at a significant other.

This phrase was uttered:

" ... But fucking you don't understand ..."
(Or something to that effect)

At least two of those words are dangerous in proximity to each other.

Mystique · February 2018

Poor Cli(n)t !!! @Jenng

Pig · February 2018

One of my sons, when he was little, used to avoid saying any sounds that put his two lips together, like Bs and Ms and so on. He would substitute dental sounds like Ds and Ts. He's grown out of it now, but it used to be pretty entertaining.

Here's one example:

Lady at church: "You're such a good boy. See you next week!"
My son: "Die!"

sbf · February 2018

A friend of mine was working an internship in England (from the US) and she wondered if a certain combination of leg coverings would be admissible in that work environment, so she asked, "Is it alright if I wear pants under my skirt?"

TJS · February 2018

The importance of appropriate spacing.

TJS · February 2018

Children's Product.
"What do I have to do with my wrist Mum?"

ShadowaceAz · February 2018

Not so much a misspoken word or even mispronounced or autocorrected, but I was stationed overseas and we had some Brits on the base with us in South Korea. After a night of drinking, one of them turns to me and says...
“Mate, lets go outside and smoke some fags”

Now two things hit me wrong before I could blink! In the Marines we said “Smoke that target” or “smoking light is lit”.. 1) being open fire, light it up, hit the target, etc. 2) fags, to me, was a not so accepted term for an alternative lifestyle...

Now see my initial understanding; ‘This dude wants to go outside and kill some ...’??

I know I must have been just staring at him a moment to long when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and said, ya know, get some fresh air and pollute our lungs?

We laughed a good bit when I explained my first interpretation. Sometimes what someone says and how you receive it can be totally different. That was using all the communication tools we have. Facial expression, body expression, tonal inflection, everything… So now the next time you’re offended by something that’s typed where you have none of those other clues, maybe you can take a moment before flying off the handle.

Dodkong · February 2018

It was towards the end of my senior year of high school. I had Drama class for the last class of the day. Since it was so close to the end of the year, we were not doing any more performances, the class period basically became a study hall and was held in the cafeteria.

I went to a small parochial school, so the cafeteria wasn't very large, and it was obviously very easy for the teacher to sit in one spot and be able to see everyone. So this one day, one of the guys in the class decided to lay down across the chairs and take a nap.

The teacher, a well read and very intelligent woman and my favorite HS teacher, spots him doing this. Her voice immediately shatters the silence, saying "William! You will remain erect for the entire period!"

Of course, it got everyone's attention since she was very vocal about it which lead to that 2-3 second awkward/stunned pause before the room erupted in laughter and her face got beet red and she tried to stammer out an apology.

Pig · February 2018

Oh man. That story just reminded me of an awful memory. I was 8 years old, in third grade. It was in music class and we were singing a few Christmas songs. The teacher had arranged for us as a class to go sing at a shopping mall and we were all very excited.

One of the songs was "Somebody Snitched on Me"

Anyway, the teacher had chosen me to do the line "Somebody snitched on Me." The whole class would sing the song, but only I sang that line. Well, as we were practicing for weeks, these two kids behind me kept whispering "Somebody pissed on me" every time I went to sing that line.

It was starting to bother me a lot, so I would tell them to stop but they kept doing it. Then one day the teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes, and we were all talking. So it's like 40 kids talking and making noise. Anyway, at one point I yelled at the two kids behind me, "And stop saying 'Somebody pissed on me!'"

Little did I know, the teacher had just returned to the room, with the school principal. The entire class hushed up just in time for my shouting "Somebody pissed on me!" to fill the entire room. It all went quiet just as those four words came out. I sat in shocked awe, and everyone in the class was staring at me with their jaws dropped.

And the teacher and the principal were staring at me with their jaws dropped. In the end they cancelled the trip to sing at the shopping mall, because of me. All my friends were mad at me because they blamed me. And, presumably, the two asswipes who pushed me to that ended up living happily ever after.

TJS · February 2018

Now that's a forest recreation area I'd like to visit one day. Maybe everyday

Pig · February 2018

I once overheard two of my kids fighting over the pronunciation of a word, and the younger girl in frustration shouted, "I did say it fwoppawy!"

(fwoppawy = properly)

DLich · February 2018

Key Lime Tarts

Big Dinner Box

Massage Therapist

For a Special Aunt

Suit Yourself

Mega Cutz

TJS · February 2018

Thanks 4 sharing @DLich
I needed a laugh

TJS · February 2018

God Is Now Here / God I Snow Here / God Is No Where

You Choose, I don't know

ekimhclew · February 2018

Sounds good to me!

DLH · March 2018

Found this at work and had to dig this thread back up

ShadowaceAz · March 2018

nope..bye!

Bill_ZRT · March 2018

TJS said:
Now that's a forest recreation area I'd like to visit one day. Maybe everyday

Hey - where did you find that? I've been looking all over for it, but I've never been able to figure out where it is!

TJS · March 2018

@Bill_ZRT

Slieve Bloom mountains at Clonaslee, Co Laois

http://www.coillte.ie/site/the-cut/

No.2 in this list;
http://www.dailyedge.ie/laois-2-2605347-Feb2016/

Bill_ZRT · March 2018

TJS said:
@Bill_ZRT

Slieve Bloom mountains at Clonaslee, Co Laois

http://www.coillte.ie/site/the-cut/

Was I really just too subtle for my own good? Someone gets this, right?

@Jenng @Artisans @jester @Pig @masmith93 - I'm looking at you guys.

TJS · March 2018

I guess so. I thought you were asking seriously.

Jenng · March 2018

@Bill_ZRT your subtlety is astounding. I too am super subtle so I’m glad I taught you something.

Bill_ZRT · March 2018

TJS said:
I guess so. I thought you were asking seriously.

Ok, let's try again.... let's see if I can be a less subtle @Bill_ZRT...

My wife wants me to find

She' been asking me for years to find

At this point, I've basically given up.... she's not happy. She seems to think that

is some magical place that would bring her tremendous happiness and joy if I could finally find it.

Frankly, I'm not all that sure that

exists at all.

Welcome.

Quick Links

things that come out wrong

Comments